In praise of Deptford - and Cuisine a la Leke

Mini plug for an area and a restaurant. A few weeks ago we went to a wonderful African restaurant in Deptford, SE8, called Cuisine a la Leke. Yep, ‘African’ is a bit generic but that’s how it describes itself so who am I to disagree. No dog trouble that is always a good start. Then after sipping some large bottles of Afro-beer, the food arrived. It was spicy (watch out for the ‘chilli gravy’), well cooked and came with a ‘rice cocktalk’ including joloff beans, peas and that brown rice beloved of Nigerian restaurants everywhere in London. Happy, smiley, genuinely NICE service. A restaurant I’d be happy to recommend to anyone. Go there and thank me later. Its at the top of Deptford High Street which has been voted the ‘UK’s most diverse High Street’ (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4292533.stm) and really does have a great atmosphere, a fantastic range of shops, and houses some of the finest urban eateries in the whole of London. Special mention must be made of the Orient Chinese, which I would happily vote as London’s best, certainly within its price bracket, which is budget-budget – and I’d say that even some posh restaurants would struggle to match the quality of the food here.

Take it from a Londoner – yes, one who admittedly spent three happy years living here as a student of nearby Goldsmiths’, but don’t let my bias put you off. An area for real Londoners, whose businesses are run by real Londoners. Long may it remain the scuzzy, colourful, delightful, diverse, dirty place that it always has been. Forget the touristy East End, take the train to Greenwich instead, but get off one stop too early. Then enjoy the exuberant, clotted heart of the real capital where clone-brand shops fear to tread. My only gripe? Where have all the pubs gone. The Noah’s Ark – RIP. The Scent of Urine (Centurion) – RIP. I recommend the Deptford Arms on the High Street, and also the White Swan, formerly Mamie O’Leary’s (which serves Thai food at the back). The Bird’s Nest in nearby Church Street isn’t a bad watering hole either. But it’s a far cry from its heyday when there were around ten pubs on the High Street alone. Still, much to recommend it.

Dagenham's new low point

If Croydon is hovering around the Man U/Arsenal area of the Premiership, Dagenham must surely now be in the Sunday league of chav towns.

When the local paaaaahnd shop is forced to close then you know a community is facing hard times. I took this while on my way home from work.

I like the rather optimistic message implying that this would be summer clearance. Oh yeah, right? That's why its truly closed.

Hot phone sex

Lest to so foolish as to believe the the office toy porn was a mere one-off, then how wrong can you be? This tasty clip shows who you are dealing with when you call one of those expensive 0906 numbers promising a good time. Be told, oh optimistic user, that are you not getting an overexcited student babe who needs to top up her grant. You aren’t even getting a grandma in Bangalore. No, you are getting this fella. There’s nothing he likes more than to give pleasure over the phone. And pleasure is what he’s experiencing to the max in this photo. Just remember him, next time you fancy a quick monkey thrash, and use the good old internet or a paper-based product from the Paul Raymond empire. Cos he’s never been on ANY guy’s mind.

Shankill Mural

What I understand about Northern Irish politics you could write on a postage stamp. My views, such as they are, are obviously informed by having in-laws with deeply held proddy beliefs. I was, however, quite pleased to be driver up the Shankill by my sister in law. I like Belfast - its a city I think could live in, anyhow, and it has all the features required by a London exile apart from maybe the tubes, the manic crowds and so forth. Socially, when compared to London, my wife's family's best estimate though is that NI society is about 20 years behind that of England; which can be a good and bad thing depending on how you look at it. Society there is pretty traditional, and there hasn't been the same level of immigration as say, to Dublin. But all this is changing fast and with the huge mostly untapped potential of the province up for grabs, I suspect that NI society is going to change faster than just about any other in the UK. Give it five years and Belfast will be the new Dublin. House prices have risen 25 percent in the last year alone, while the rest of UK's only managed eight. Investment for meaning projects would be a great benefit to the place and to the UK as a whole.

The future's bright...though not necessarily orange.

Fantasy babes

Anyone who knows me also knows that I'm into fat girls - I married one didn't I? No complaints, in fact, the bigger (and preferably taller) the better. On Channel 4 this eve, at 9pm, there is a fat girls' beauty pageant. I have high hoopes for this programme, and in the spirit of semi-pornographic beauty shows all over the world, here's my contribution - a description of my fantasy candidate:

"Deirdre is 34 and lives in Cheltenham with her parents after splitting up with her stupid, thin Peruvian boyfriend Zanaxxio. She has a 44 inch waist, 50 inch hips, weighs in at approximately 20 stone and 3 pounds and stands at 5 foot 11 inches. Dee has a delightful complexion of pale pink with freckles, large, green eyes. She sports russet brown hair cut short to her shoulders and is wearing the Stella McCartney tank-style bathing costume in powder blue, which reveals the ripples on her thighs to perfection. Deirdre works as a dinner lady in a local primary school, and performs stand-up comedy part-time, and her two wishes would be to alleviate child poverty in Africa and increase the size of her double-pneu."

PS, the programme was a pile of shite. Lots of shouting from a Northern Irish chick and not much else.

Harmondsworth - traffic hotspot

Harmondsworth is a village to the west of London near to where I used to live. I travelled over there to take a picture of the Hillingdon Hospital wall, a cacophony 1960s stained glass madness which captured my imagination as a very small child during a period where I seemed to be spending most of my days. The wall, as feared, has been PFI'd out of existence and its replacement is a rather miserable affair which I shan't dwell on. I'll try and get an old picture of the old Hillingdon Hospital wal though, it really is gorgeous.

But never mind - I trekked off to Harmondsworth on a 223 bus for a walk along the back roads to Harlington, a place where I once lived and enjoyed a great deal. Harlington, Sipson and Harmondsworth are places that time has left alone since the 70s and are all the better for this.

I like the picture - well not so much the quality of the snap, taken on my Nokia 7610,, cos its crap. This was taken on Harmondsworth Lane, not a spit away from Heathrow Airport. Its a quiet, almost country backwater. And yet, half way along it, are these set of traffic lights, which appear to be a fully configured set in that there is potential to control traffic both east-west ad north-south. But why? Firstly, the road going across the road leads to nowhere, unless you count a cornfield as a destination you'd be likely to visit.

Even better is that the traffic lights are turned OFF. The scene reminds me of the Depeche Mode album cover for Music for the Masses which feature red-painted air-raid sirens up the sides of mountains. Not as sinister I guess, but kinda nicely surreal.

Oops, wrong helpdesk

As well as being a computer slave, one of my jobs is to monitor the helpline for the database we use where I work. One of the users wrote this unintentionally amusing message this morning, which was meant, for site services. However, I couldn’t resist blogging this – or replying.


From: Anonymous user
Sent: 04 August 2006 08:54
To: Database Helpline

Subject: FW: Its still v e r y cold in our department



Good morning

It is very distressing that we come in early into the office and it is very cold. Yesterday you said it will take a little while, I stayed upto 6pm and it was still cold in then, nothing had changed, if anything we were all more cold. No one has come up here to check if the temperature was correct.

Also the vending machine does not work as I used to have hot chocolate for 20p, hmmm, I am sorry to complain but am sad about these matters.

Please help

Thanks
ANON USER


-----Original Message-----
From: daggersdukc, on Behalf Of Database Helpline
Sent: 04 August 2006 09:26
To: Anonymous user
Subject: RE: Its still v e r y cold in our department

Dear ANON USER

I'm sorry to hear about your complaints. We have been working hard to make Pivotal work for all our customers. However, although the main server has been working its little heart out attempting to process our many customers data, it is obviously not pumping sufficient levels of heat to make the office a comfortable place in which to work. We will try to remedy this by doing even more work, thus ensuring a climatically neutral office environment.

Also, while you will find that [name of database withheld] abilities are many and varied, I'm afraid that nobody asked us to spec in the ability to sell cold drinks and food.

PS - I think you need to email site services!

Yours, ironically

daggersdukc

Hot office action

What happens when you’re bored, at work, and are surrounded by cuddly toys?

This.

Here is my first picture of spontenously performed office porn, as demonstrated by the soft toys which congregate around mine and my colleagues’ desks.

In this picture, Clanger gets done by Green Dog. Zippy, the old prevert, ogles the lustful two in a lecherous manner. Just give him a plastic mac and h’d be a happy bunny – well, Zippy. Don’t worry, Zippy got his pecker out later. The shagging and lewd sexual acts were extreme and I know you, dear reader, wait with baited breath. Tomorrow’s dirt-packed entry will prove to be just as exciting. Just you wait and see.