Anyone who knows me also knows that I'm into fat girls - I married one didn't I? No complaints, in fact, the bigger (and preferably taller) the better. On Channel 4 this eve, at 9pm, there is a fat girls' beauty pageant. I have high hoopes for this programme, and in the spirit of semi-pornographic beauty shows all over the world, here's my contribution - a description of my fantasy candidate:
"Deirdre is 34 and lives in Cheltenham with her parents after splitting up with her stupid, thin Peruvian boyfriend Zanaxxio. She has a 44 inch waist, 50 inch hips, weighs in at approximately 20 stone and 3 pounds and stands at 5 foot 11 inches. Dee has a delightful complexion of pale pink with freckles, large, green eyes. She sports russet brown hair cut short to her shoulders and is wearing the Stella McCartney tank-style bathing costume in powder blue, which reveals the ripples on her thighs to perfection. Deirdre works as a dinner lady in a local primary school, and performs stand-up comedy part-time, and her two wishes would be to alleviate child poverty in Africa and increase the size of her double-pneu."
PS, the programme was a pile of shite. Lots of shouting from a Northern Irish chick and not much else.
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