Ad's eats: Brilliant Restaurant, Southall, Middlesex

Food: Indian
Contact details:
72-76 Western Road, Southall, Middlesex UB2 5DZ
www.brilliantrestaurant.com

We visited The Brilliant in Southall, Middlesex, today. As I grew up in nearby Hayes, I was miffied that during my time there, my parents had never taken me here, as it had a good rep even back in the early 80s - it is actually a Southall institution, having been in the same area since the early 70s. As Southall is one of the demographically "Indian" suburbs in Britain, let alone London, calling your restaurant The Brilliant in this environment is almost a taunt: "come, criticise me, tell me I'm not brilliant, tell me I'm rubbish". In its favour, it has won plenty of awards. But the only award that matters to us (insofar we came from distant suburban East London to be here) is what we think of it. Will we return? Will we recommend it to our friends? Was it in fact, brilliant?

Let's find out.

Firstly, the guide dog situation. It is really, really difficult to eat Indian or Chinse while being accompanied by a guiding beast. There is a point, after you've had maybe the third or forth row about whether the dog is allowed in, when you just assume that you will go into an eating establishment, all guns blazing. Though I refuse to take nonsense from anyone about this (to refuse a guide dog is breaking the law and ignorance is no defence in my opinion). Not a problem in The Brilliant, perhaps aided by the fact that one of the staff was obviously a dog lover and wanted to pet Nicki the Labrador while she was being good beneath the table. They get a huge brownie point for the no-fuss welcome. What a relief.

The decor here is cool but in a friendly, inviting way, with dark wooden floorboards, spotlights and a clean, no-fuss style that doesn't intimidate but still has enough sophistication, suggesting this interior design has been thought through. No job lot tables here - everything is in dark brown and dark orange. All just-so. (9 out of 10).

Our service was friendly and the food arrived in a timely manner without any hanging around (a pet hate of mine is being left for ages after the main course before your dessert order is taken). Service then was brisk and polite. (9 out of 10).

We ordered poppadoms as a pre-starter. I tend to find that a good, crisp, not-too-greasy poppadom indicates how the rest of the meal will turn out I was right on this occasion, as we'll see. By the way, we ordered spicy poppadoms and blow me down, they were peppery. Fortunately, we both love pepper and there are plenty of chutneys to dump them in to assist sweetening them up and bringing down the heat level a bit.

Our starters were tilapia fish pakora (9 out of 10). The high mark is given for the light batter made of gram flour, which didn't in any way kill off the delicate flavour of the fish. I had meat samosas, filled with finely minced lamb. I give these 7 out of 10 - better than average and good quality meat.

For the main course, we had a lamb curry which Lynn described as basic but tasty and awarded it 6 out of 10. I had the lamb masala which on the menu, was described as coming with a thick sauce flavoured with ginger, tomato and garlic. It left nothing to be desired: this was a dish delivered exactly what was promised. I can barely think of anything to fault it on and will give it a full 10 out of 10 because it really was that good. Bravo. If my stomach had been any larger I would have gone for second helpings.

Desert was a better than average pistachio kulfi which I'll give 7 marks for. It was served on an unusual long plate which didn't do anything for the flavour, but did add a little interest presentation-wise.

So overall, was the Brilliant, brilliant. I think so. It is one of those establishments where you think every award was justified and gained from hard work and attention to detail, as well as old fashioned customer service, rather than from "I'll scratch your back if you give me a plaudit" mentality. There are few Indian restaurants this good in my view and I would go there far more often if only had the fortune to live closer.

Finally, if you are interested in finding what what good places there are to eat at, places that also have good accessiblity (eg, guide dog friendly, helpful staff when it comes to menu reading, etc) then may I recommend the Access-Eat blog written by Graham Page. It can be found at:

http://access-eat.blogspot.com/

it mainly concentrates on restaurants and pubs in east and central London with occasional soirees to the home counties too.

Heston's pie: suck on this

When I think of Heston, being an ex-Westie, I think of the service station on the M4 not a million miles away from my childhood home of Hayes, Middx. That, and perhaps, the book "Crash" by JG Ballard, set in and around this area, though a somewhat fictitiously located Northolt and Shepperton are also mentioned in this novel. Anyhow, I digress...

Heston, for the purposes of this blog entry, is a reference to Heston Blumenthal, owner of the Fat Duck in Bray, near Maidenhead, where they apparently use Bunsen burners, chloroform and nitrous oxide as part of cooking methodology. Waitrose hired him to create some of their not so cheap pies. And so he has. These are housed in wee boxes, right next door in the chill cabinet to the normal Ginsters pasties, porkie pies and other cooked pastry-with-meat delights.

I like pies. People who know me know this. And I know what I like in pie. A pie must have good, slightly crispy but not burnt pastry, with copious butter mixed in. And the filling should be loaded high, with lots of what it says on the packet contained within. If it says steak, one chunk of ratty crap is not good enough. No, there should be whole cow buried therein. Pie Minister pies have certainly got what it takes, though you may need an extension on the mortgage to purchase one.

And so be the case equally with Heston's creation. The filling - in this case chicken, bacon and leek - was plentiful, with loads of cream and a good dash of tarragon for flavour. All in all, a happy sort of pie. The sort of pie to come and see you, make me smile. But there is a dark side.

Remember, I mentioned that this this pie was in the chiller cabinet? Well, what I think when I buy a pie from such a location is that the pie is cooked. Well, it wasn't. I ate the pie on the tube after spending far too long travelling and becoming rather hungry. This evening's tubes were rubbish and my hunger was increasing. So I popped open the pie box and found....

....raw frigging pastry. Raw pastry. Yes, it was raw. And it was glutinous, sticky and - yes, I say it again without shame - raw. The filling wasn't. That's the weird thing. Naturally, by this point, my hunger was that of a rabid wildebeest deprived of zebra for maybe three or four months. It had to be eaten. It was, and I quited liked the filling.

But Heston, old son, old pal, old bean. Puh-LEEEZE tell us on the box that the thing needs slinging in the oven for 30 minutes (a fact I discovered by my second bite) before committing it to mouth.

I can't grade this pie out of ten simply because I've never eaten such a weird one. I'll give it a go though:

Filling: 8
Pastry: 1

If you can beat this pie eating experience, please let me know by popping a comment on this post.

Too much food

Forget dieting, I've never bought into the many and varied diet fads which spring up this time of year, with th exception of Atkins - which works but is boring over time, and difficult to integrate into a reasonably active social life (eg, I drink and eat out, er, about once a month, smile).

This time I've just eaten too much food.

So I'm cutting down in order to feel better. I still love food, and I do question anyone who regards food alongside such phrases as "guilt", "oooh, aren't naughty?!" and other puritanical guff.

Not guilty, just uncomfortable having my stomach stretched to the max over Christmas.

Happy new year.

Muslim burial food

No, not an anti-Muslim post, just a dodgy pun.

Since those of Muslim faith like all funeral proceedings done and dusted more or less minutes after the victim of Death has become permanently kaput, do you think funeral directors hand these waffles out?

This brand is either named after an off the shelf company, or is simply a foreign food manufacturer's attempt to appeal to our need for speed, along with a doff of the cap to Middle England's affection for the old manor house. Not sure which.

Iceland microwaveable breakfast: the verdicts

Here's the verdicts on the Iceland mixed grill microwaveable breakfast.


Mrs Dukc's verdict.

CHIPS: As greasy as chips can be. Soggy but quite pleasant.
SAUSAGE: Almost inedible, greasy, contains a adult gorilla’s daily salt needs.
GAMMON: Very high on salt but perfectly acceptable.
BURGER: Bought back many happy memories of “economy burgers with onions” from the 1970s. Pretty good, though nutriotionally suspect.
BEANS: Not as juicy as expected (good). Soaked up the grease nicely from the rest of the food.

Overall mark: 8 /10
Though good value, don't feel the need to try it again.

Mr Dukc's verdict:

CHIPS: Soggy, greasy, pleasant.
SAUSAGE: What people with no money feed their kids. Very suspect flavour but with a surprisingly firm texture. Not as rough as Richmond so-called “Irish” sausages. If you’re Irish you’ll know how much of a lie this description is.
GAMMON: Very salty, pretty meaty and actually a big portion for the money. Rather impressed.
BURGER: My mum used to buy these in 1977. A cross between a Telfers Economy burger from Bejam and a Goblin tinned special. Really rather nice though completely scummy.
BEANS: A long way from being the anaemic mess I suspected they would be. Did what I hope they would do. Good soaker of grease.

Overall mark: 8 / 10.
These are 10p more expensive than a Pot Noodle so these are indirect competitors. Whereas a pot noodle is scuzzy but llikeable, this is scuzzier still and possibly less lovable (dragged down the by sad sausage), but heavier. So if you're hungry, go for these. If you want a completely doggy snack that won't fill you but tastes sweetly nostalgic, the noodles win.

Cheapest breakfast ever

I am about to tuck into what is probably the cheapest breakfast you can buy in the UK. Iceland sell a £1 pack containing a sausage, a flame grilled burger, a piece of "reformed" gammon, chips and beans. Yep. £1.

And the best thing is that is microwaveable in 6 minutes.

A review will follow very shortly.

Pizza menu de jour: Haweli Indian

Looks like this fun packed feature has been mis-named as today's menu is, yet again, an Indian treat. Not really a treat as I've not tried eating here either so "treat" may be a prematurely optimistic label. Having covered myself in case of treat disappointment and possibly litigation, it may be a treat as there is only one decent Indian round here that I am aware of, so the competition is somewhat flimsy.

It has the word "free" on it. Always encouraging in these hard times.

By way, in case you're curious, thus far I've not needed to raid the menu cupboard. The menus featured so far have all dropped through our letterbox the day before I proudly displayed them here.