Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Muslim burial food


No, not an anti-Muslim post, just a dodgy pun.

Since those of Muslim faith like all funeral proceedings done and dusted more or less minutes after the victim of Death has become permanently kaput, do you think funeral directors hand these waffles out?

This brand is either named after an off the shelf company, or is simply a foreign food manufacturer's attempt to appeal to our need for speed, along with a doff of the cap to Middle England's affection for the old manor house. Not sure which.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Iceland microwaveable breakfast: the verdicts


Here's the verdicts on the Iceland mixed grill microwaveable breakfast.


Mrs Dukc's verdict.

CHIPS: As greasy as chips can be. Soggy but quite pleasant.
SAUSAGE: Almost inedible, greasy, contains a adult gorilla’s daily salt needs.
GAMMON: Very high on salt but perfectly acceptable.
BURGER: Bought back many happy memories of “economy burgers with onions” from the 1970s. Pretty good, though nutriotionally suspect.
BEANS: Not as juicy as expected (good). Soaked up the grease nicely from the rest of the food.

Overall mark: 8 /10
Though good value, don't feel the need to try it again.

Mr Dukc's verdict:

CHIPS: Soggy, greasy, pleasant.
SAUSAGE: What people with no money feed their kids. Very suspect flavour but with a surprisingly firm texture. Not as rough as Richmond so-called “Irish” sausages. If you’re Irish you’ll know how much of a lie this description is.
GAMMON: Very salty, pretty meaty and actually a big portion for the money. Rather impressed.
BURGER: My mum used to buy these in 1977. A cross between a Telfers Economy burger from Bejam and a Goblin tinned special. Really rather nice though completely scummy.
BEANS: A long way from being the anaemic mess I suspected they would be. Did what I hope they would do. Good soaker of grease.

Overall mark: 8 / 10.
These are 10p more expensive than a Pot Noodle so these are indirect competitors. Whereas a pot noodle is scuzzy but llikeable, this is scuzzier still and possibly less lovable (dragged down the by sad sausage), but heavier. So if you're hungry, go for these. If you want a completely doggy snack that won't fill you but tastes sweetly nostalgic, the noodles win.

Cheapest breakfast ever

I am about to tuck into what is probably the cheapest breakfast you can buy in the UK. Iceland sell a £1 pack containing a sausage, a flame grilled burger, a piece of "reformed" gammon, chips and beans. Yep. £1.

And the best thing is that is microwaveable in 6 minutes.

A review will follow very shortly.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tesco's ginger card "gaff"

So, Tesco has had to withdraw a card with the message "Santa loves all
children...even GINGERS ones".

A couple were pictured in The Sun being "offended" by it. Is there a
special kind of "rent-an-offendee" rate The Sun pays out? Everyone seems to
be potentially offended. I'm offended by Rupert Murdoch's continued
existence, but hey ho.````````

I can think of many bigger and better things to be offended by.

But I still don't get it. Why is being ginger "funny"? I don't think this
is the case outside England, is it? Many of my Ulster in-laws are gingers
but I can honestly say that when I've been over there, a chortle-fest about
hair colour has never been on my mind.

Could someone explain this to me?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The worst part of London




Quite an interesting conversation heard on a train I was travelling on, while on the way to Birmingham, last Friday:

American Woman (W): I live in the worst part of London.
English passenger (EP) Where's that?
W: Dagenham
EP: I don't know where that is.
W: Its a long way out. East on the District Line. Really dull, very flat, full of people who aren't that bright.
EP: Sounds awful.
W: It is. When I came here for my job I was shown pictures of Knightsbridge and Kensington. My friend lives in South Kensington. I was so jealous. Dagenham's y'know, desperate. The last resort.

Being an inverted snob, and a resident of that fine town now for ten years, I had to pipe up:


ME: Oh Dagenham. Nice place. Cheap. On the tube. Great neighbours, hardly any crime where we live. What's not to like. Oh, by the way, I've lived there for ten years.

Completely embarrassed silence.

To be fair, at least the passenger actually lived here. I do get enourmously brassed off with people who have never been to places like Bognor (where my family live) and Dagenham without having been there, and feel the need to make some sneery and usually inaccurate remark. If you've never been to a place, using an area's reputation alone as a means to sneer at the place is just snobbery for the sake of snobbery.

I would say BRITISH snobbery; however, the particular passenger, as I say, was American.

But, at least, with people like that sneering at the perceived "failed" areas like ours: the joke towns, the chav estates and the perceived urban shit-holes, at least they don't entertain us with their presence

I grew up in Hayes (a joke town, at least if you're from Uxbridge or Ealing), lived in Deptford, Bognor (which used to dubbed "clown town"), Hackney (known, when I moved there in 1993 as the "dustbin of London" - but not now kiddies: a expensive dustbin indeed) and Dagenham, all places I've liked for various reasons.

So what's the deal, snobs.


I am currently reading: Estates, by Lynsey Hanley. This book is a compelling blend of psychogeography-meets-sociology. Am agreeing with much of it.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Pizza menu de jour: Haweli Indian

Looks like this fun packed feature has been mis-named as today's menu is, yet again, an Indian treat. Not really a treat as I've not tried eating here either so "treat" may be a prematurely optimistic label. Having covered myself in case of treat disappointment and possibly litigation, it may be a treat as there is only one decent Indian round here that I am aware of, so the competition is somewhat flimsy.

It has the word "free" on it. Always encouraging in these hard times.

By way, in case you're curious, thus far I've not needed to raid the menu cupboard. The menus featured so far have all dropped through our letterbox the day before I proudly displayed them here.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Pizza menu de jour: Pizza Hut - its a sin!



Apparently, meat eating is the new sin. Still, beats the usual target of smokers, the obese and ASBO (possibly also obese) kids. Count me in as being one. A sinner, not an ASBO kid - I'm far too old, though definitely obese.

This menu at least has the benecit of attractive design. I may well give the sinful pizza a spin this Friday, if I didn't indeed chuck it.

Faher forgive me
I tried not to do it...

(I saw me a pizza
And ate right through it)

- sorry Pet Shop Boys

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Pizza menu de jour: Shabana Indian


Today is the turn of this little cutie, the Shabana Indian (or sorry, Bangladeshi and Indian to be exact). Not been here so can't vouch for the quality of the food.

However, it has a welcome spot in our menu pile as good quality Indians are sooooo hard to find in Daggers. Hot curry is kind of limp in my experience. So, Shabana, its all hangs on you.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Pizza menu de jour

How many pizza menus do you think I get a year? Loads. But I don't knowfor sure, I just know there are more pizza menus dropping through my doorthan I'd ever need, bearing in mind I only eat delivery pizza about six orseven times per year. Dagenham is simply festooned with pizza delivery places, though the only one we ever order from is Perfect Pizza in Elm
Park, the next door suburb.

With no further ado then, let me introduce you to Dagenham's finest. Starting with the Pizza Go Go menu, the beginning of a major series (subject
to me being bothered) on this blog.

The Gogo is an all-red baby featuring the emergency deal, the 999 pizza, for
those pizza emergencies, for when you just can't find a big enough bandage. Nothing like a 12 inch thin crust double pepperoni with onions to cover over that dripping wound, I find. When I lived briefly in Walthamstow, Gogo on Hoe Street was pretty decent for a cheap and cheerful take-away, so I trust the pizzas here are quite edible, possibly even better than this. That hold shot wasn't really that good, so for future shots, I'll be seriously considering alternatives. Compared to Korean babes holding the
latest Samsung mobile phone, this shot really sucks. But I'm learning fast.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Weasel words: Tough decisions

An oft-used weasel phrase of our time:

"Tough decisions will need to be made on...".


Meaning: We are going to have to do something that might make us look
electorially unviable (because we are, same as the other almost identikit
clones on the opposite bench) - particularly when the well-oiled spin
machine throws a hiccup and the media wakes up from its torpor for a few
moments and asks some well targeted questions before falling back into its
alco-pop-mixed-with-coke induced slumber.

But regardless of this tough decision we'll make bravely, almost martyr-like
on your behalf, you, modern day peasant, and others like you will be
shafted. For us and our ilk its business as usual. Same as it ever was.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Swine flu and me

Spent last week with Swine Flu. Here's a description of each day.

Wednesday: at work. Very mild symptoms but by 8pm was feeling a bit un-centred. Not especially ill, but felt as if though something was missing or wrong. Kind of like the last few hours of an acid trip.

Thursday: Hot, and feeling slightly more trippy and demotivated. Not desperately sick or anything. Didn't go to work as the world felt a bit jelly-like and kind of...wrong or something. I hard feeling to define, but best description is like how it is when you've had some reasonably good grass and are stoned just beyond the stage where you feel that getting home by bus would be safe. Note: I do have some experience of this back in the 90s.

Friday: Hot and cold with proper flu vibe kicking in. Coughed, spluttered and mildly stoned feeling all day. Read loads and didn't really feel like getting out of bed but bought netbook up to bed.

Saturday: felt rather hot, with sore throat and quite a hacking cough - the kind I had when I smoked 20 a day. However, by 3pm was feeling OK again. Not stoned or monged out today, just a bit hot.

Sunday: Apart from remaining cough, back to normal really.

Monday: Back at work and feeling mostly normal again, other than a slight cough. Felt a bit demotivated, but definitley within normal range. Busy, so didn't have time to worry too much.

So, what was Swine Flu like? Compared to the death-flu I had ten years ago where the world was extremely cold, hot and floaty (often simultanously) where getting off the duvet I lay out on the floor could take 30 minutes, this time it was a breeze. Actually it was rather nice to have the luxury of genuine illness without being hugely affected. There is no way I would have wanted to leave the house for too long (in fact I didn't got out at all). The prevelant feeling was that of being mildly drugged, and since I like being mildly drugged, overall, Swine Flu wasn't too bad an experience. If death is a 10 and losing a shoe for two minutes is 1, then this gets a 3. I wouldn't go around giving it to friends, especially those with kiddies, but the hype I'm afraid, does outweigh the actuality.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Bose make some decent headphones for this

 
Looks like the American cops have been using high frequency noise against G20 protesters in Pittsburgh.  Interesting.
 
Simple solution: Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones.  And if you can't afford these admittedly pricey noise cancellers, then any decent set of Sennheisers with some Nirvana playing at max vol. should do the trick.   Do you feel stupid and contagious?  No.  
Seriously, anyone who objects to the protesters should remember that it may be your pet cause under attack by the increasingly unembarrassed governments of the world. I for one  can't get too worked up about testing on animals, but like Voltaire, I would defend anyone's right to protest against it if they DO feel strongly enough.   Creatively and amusingly rather than with violence if poss.  Government can take mockery less even than being ignored (which is what we should be going more often - ignoring works with little kids).
 
I think Hitler's regime was allowed to develop under such complacent circumstances (mind you, ordinary  pre Nazi era Germans were probably too busy trying to afford such basics as bread to care - until it was too late. . 

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Chas 'n' Dave "split"

The Graun had an article yesterday about Chas 'n' Dave, the band who bought East End knees up music to the masses (in the 80s too) "splitting". Well, since they are ending on amicable terms, "splitting" seems a bit harsh. 
 
I used to quite like their music in a non-committed sort of way, so when a friend dragged me along to the Fairfield Halls in Croydon to see them play, I went with some trepidation, not expecting much, but enjoying the company.   They were fabulous!. 
 
The lads put on a top gig - really energetic, with half the show dedicated to taking requests from audience members, the other half just larking around and mostly playing the more well-known tracks of theirs.  Their presence will be sadly missed.  They played  Glastonbury a few years ago and from the comments I've read about the experience, they really worked the crowds, making many new fans along the way I'd guess. 
 
Apparently Dave's missus has died of lung cancer (which prompted Dave's retirement from the biz).  Not so nice.
 
From me, good luck to the lads,  and of course...GERTCHA!
 

Monday, September 21, 2009

Mind of a what?

Does anyone know what tune the musical box plays during the closing seconds of Mind of a Toy by Visage?  Loved it since I was 11. 
 
The Victorian sounding box It has a chord in there which turns me to mush. 
 
I can't find anything about this on the net, even in its own Wikipedia entry. 

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Beautiful corporate bullshit

You've gotta  just love the bull put out by the likes of Trafigura, successfully sued for dumping a tankerful of sludge all over the Ivory Coast:
 
 
So, does the company even acknowledge this disaster they caused exists?  Naaah.
 
Instead, on the Trafigura website, we have this gem:
 
"A culture of risk awareness runs through all of Trafigura business activities, with traders operating within clearly defined risk parameters."
 
(Oh yes, you bet a culture of risk awareness runs thorough Trafigura business activities.  Low-risk Africans.  No bother, no risk). 
 
Then this slice of crud under "Our Responsilbities":
 
"Trafigura impact on the global economy is a positive one; our responsibility is to the communities in which we operate, our customers, our suppliers and employees". 
 
(I bet those Ivorian were soooooooo grateful for the responsibility shown to their health and the pleasant state of their city).
 
There is nothing in the "Our News" section about the company being sued.  Not a dickie bird.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Shiver me timbers

I'm not really in favour of voting for "one issue" parties, but lets be honest here, my only alternative is to deliberately destroy my ballot paper come the next election, or just aim my pencil randomly somewhere.  The alternatives (apart from maybe the Greens) are just awful. 
 
The Pirate Party's campaign is at least straddling an area which gels very, very strongly with me. So they may just get my X.   
 
They are, apparently, the fastest growing party in Europe, and very popular with the kiddies.  And I'm only half convinced that file sharing is complete morally neutral.  The older I get, the more doubtful I become, but the heavy handed reactionaries in the music biz appear to resemble the horse and cart industry just after the 1,000th Model T rolled off a Detroit production line way back when. 
 
 

Jack 'n' Chill

I nearly always enjoy finding out "what happened next" to one hit wonders. 
 
This topic might become an occasional ongoing theme, we'll see.  To get the ball moving, here's what happened to Jack 'n' Chill who made the first UK house track, The Jack That House Built, which I  really liked at the time (I was 18, and this stuff mattered a great deal, especially as I was still trying - abysmally as it happens  - to play keyboards).   I felt rather nostalgic hearing it yesterday when rediscovering it on Youtube   
 
I had no memory of what the track was called or who it was buy, and since there are no lyrics, this required a fair amount of sleuthing (but thanks to Everyhit). 
 
A link to the track is here:
 
 
Its funny how some musos turn to drugs, and some to loose women and huge hamburgers, but in this case, one of the members of this band went on to become a dance floor backroom boy.  Hope these guys are still working -  it really was quite a pioneering track, being produced as it was in the UK - one of the first house tracks to have originated outside the USA and Chicago in particular. 
 
 
Jack 'n' Chill:  A duo consisting of producers Vlad Naslas and Ed Stratton, Jack 'N' Chill's hypnotic, instantly recognizable house instrumental "The Jack That House Built" was one of the first house hits produced in the UK (it reached no. 6 in the mainstream sales chart in February 1988). The similar-sounding follow-up single "Beat The Heat" was less successful commercially, and the duo then split up after just two singles. Stratton would then spend three years as a recording artist/producer signed to Virgin Records and later to Rhythm King Records and release a solo album entitled "Step into Time" under the artist name Man Machine. In 1990 he had the idea of creating the world's first dance music 'sample CDs' - a collection of 3 CD s called the 'Zero-G Datafiles' which featured over 3000 audio samples & loops. Although not intended to be used commercially, they became extremely popular. Together with Julie Stratton, Ed then formed the 'Time+Space' publishing company for sample CDs, and other talented sample producers were soon signed up to provide new collections for Time+Space to distribute on the Zero-G label. Meanwhile Vlad Naslas formed the instrument manufacturing company Lovetone with Dan Coggins, which (perhaps oddly) is specialized in guitar pedals.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Modern day peasants

I have nicked this comment from "Calli" from the Graunad comments section as this view so much echoes my own:
 
 
"... the only economic recovery that would mean anything to me would be a change of political system. The current system just puts us, the ordinary people - working class, middle class, small business - through this cycle again and again. I cannot accept that this is an acceptable future for myself or my children, especially because those principally responsible for these cycles sail through the bad times unscathed.

The only political message that would convince me would be a long term vision. I'm not tied to a particular ideology, but it would involve a constitution, getting rid of the 'second' house, long term planning, massive restrictions on "free market capitalism", and limits on how long people can "serve" as MP's. I would make the process of becoming an MP much more like jury service than the gravy train it currently is.

Brown, Cameron : neither has my vote because all they represent is more of the same rubbish that has plagued the UK since, at least the war - a public schoolboy's bunfight were the ordinary citizens are treated like pawns. "

So....what to do next?

 
 

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Speech Debelle wins Mercury Prize: or, where's the other good stuff?

Ok, I've not heard Speech Debelle's album as I write this, so can't comment on its merits, but I have a question to the music biz in general.
 
If this album is so good, good enough to be recognised to be submitted for a major award (not to mention major sales jack), how come its only sold 3,000 copies up till now? *
 
There is so much good music around.  So why does the biz continually promote mediocre crud?  How many other brilliant artists am I missing, and who've also sold 3,000 CDs, when several million would be justified?
 
Biz: don't blame illegal downloaders, blame yourselves for not seeing the bleedin' obvious.  If you promote crud, you lose sales.  If you promote decent music then you gain sales.  You'll get illegal downloaders too, but I'll buy a CD and not rely on Spotify when the music is good enough for me to keep it permanently on my iPod.  Of course, when the Symbian version of Spotify is released, I'm becoming a premium subscriber. 
 
Another another thing: over 40s buy music too. I am old enough to remember when pop could be bought by a teeny, my mum, and sometimes my granny.  This does not necessarily indicate its high quality, but then pop is meant to be more Stephen King than Pushkin.  Quality isn't the point - listenablity is.  Most of the pop I love has no musical merit at all, but conjures up memories, grabs you by the feet and gets you bopping.  Its a heart, not a head thang.   
 
I will post a brief comment on Speech Debelle's album after I've played it. 
 
* Yes, I know,  Awards don't indicate whether something is good or not, and anyway, that's in the ear of the beholder of course.  But no smoke without fire, right?

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Too darn hot: who paid for the (Mc)Kinsey report?

So a report is fired out by the McKinsey ("dya mind if I just borrow your watch to tell you the time and claim a tenner from you") management consultants, saying that the NHS needs to shave 10 percent of its staff to remain viable. 
 
What the f**k do management consultants know about running a hospital? Or anything else, really?
 
And the slightly sinister thing is that no politician wants to own up for commissioning this report in the first place.  SOMEONE paid for it.  Consultants don't work for free last time I looked. 
 
My theory is that actually, some stinking Nasty Tory paid for it to prepare us for when they inevitably win the next election.
 
"Hey look.  We won by a huge majority.  That means the public must really like what we intend to do.  So...let's do what we do best.  Close things.  Make life as hard as possible for the population who aren't us.  That's nearly everyone!!! Who cares - they are scummy old peasants.  What?  We are nasty.  Nooooo!  Never.  We're just saving you all from the big taxes from big government....".
 
Then, seeing the fuss made by the GBP (Great British Peasantry) against a bunch of US neocons about the "Orwellian" NHS,  backtracked.  But...the money had been paid, the report was let loose on an unsuspecting bunch of serfs anyway. 
 
Bet I'm right about this.   And I'll be pleased to name the name on this here blog, if it's ever revealed.   
 
 
 

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Chopper!

Really glad to see one of these around.  When I was a kid these were all the rage.  You had a Grifter if you were hip, but a Raleigh Chopper if you were the daddy.  Mine was orange and black.
 
A few differences between this baby, which I snapped in Maldon at the weekend, is that the banana seat isn't suitable for giving friends a ride on the back ("backies") and I think the wheels on the modern-day version are closer in size to one another than the original 70s model, which featured a much larger back wheel, if my memory serves. 
 
 

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ad's eats: Tarantino: 51 High Strett, Hornchurch, Essex

For our 9th wedding anniversary, The Wife and I headed to Tarantino’s Italian restaurant in Hornchurch, after this was recommended by a work colleague.

Well, thumbs up to her, for this place was everything I’d been told it would be. Firstly, the service was really friendly. I think this is partly due to place being local, with another branch in Brentwood. Very much a family affair and all the better for without any sense of corporate blandness you sometimes find in Italian restaurants, though Zizzi nearby doesn’t do too badly in this respect despite it being part of the ASK group. Tarantino’s has a regular menu plus a couple of specials which change weekly.

I was told that the portions would be large, and that the quality would be high. Both assertions were not wrong.

For my starter, I ordered baby back ribs with honey barbecue sauce, and that’s exactly what I got, with the ribs falling off the bone. I would have complained that the sauce was a bit sweet, but then I remembered it said it would come with honey, as indeed it did. The portion on the platter was main meal size. My Dearly Beloved had meatballs which were the best I’ve tasted, made of a combination of beef and veal, very finely minced and tasting expensive. Again, a larger than average portion. So far so good.

Next we both had a tagliatele dish. Mine was with creamy tomato and garlic sauce, with strips of scotch steak. The beef tasted like it was not from the cheapest cut - I guess it came from sirloin, and was very tasty and perfectly cooked, so chewy enough without arguing with the teeth. This was, perhaps, the best pasta dish I’ve ever eaten. The sauce was delicious and robust, matching the steak strips perfectly, and the pasta firm and not claggy in the slightest. The Wife also gave her pasta dish eight out of ten, though I never tasted any of hers as it contained broccoli. I’d rather die before eating this.

Mrs Dukc was what full after this extravaganza of flavour and so went straight to coffee. I went for the strawberry cheesecake, which I would rate highly, though it didn’t have the wow factor of the pasta. Big portion though, so gets 7 out of 10.

Overall, I’m going to give this place a highly recommended rating. I do love Italian and it is quite easy to get a pasta dish. But it is very difficult to make a pasta meal exceptionally well, and that’s just what they’ve done here. Its won two awards, one being the “Best Regional Italian Restaurant” award. With good reason.

Despite the reputation Essex suffers, Hornchurch is an area of well-kept secrets, with Bonaparte being better than most French restaurants in London I’ve tried. Tarantino’s has barged its way into my “restaurants I now love” list. On a limb in the RM postcode area, all these delights are skipped by the London critics who tend to stick around the West End, Mayfair and Kensington. Great if you live or work there. However, for us in the far eastern suburbs, Hornchurch is a real unsung oasis.

Ssssshh. We’ll keep it to ourselves before all those peasants further west discover it.

Did Roger Linn love Alice too?

Most people – that is the vast majority of punters who aren’t electronica/muso types – can ignore this post. But I was playing Spotify at work, and re-stumbled across an album my dad used to play a lot – “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” by Elton John.

Listening to All The Girls Love Alice made me think “by golly, that drum kit doesn’t half sound like a Linn Drum LN1, as used on countless Human League and Michael Jackson “Thriller” era tracks”. Well of course it wasn’t as the first Linn wasn’t made til at least 10 years later.

I wonder though if Roger Linn had a particular kit or track in mind when putting together those famous ROM chips? If so, I think the sounds on Alice are a definite possibility, the snare and toms are VERY close matches sound-wise.

The LN1 was a groundbreaker and is still iconic, and I have to confess I find it very pleasing to listen to nearly 30 years after it crashed and banged its way into the charts. The bass drum on the later 9000 – now that’s a full bodied sound – wowzer.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The simple happiness of finding Ricardo Autobahn's "Beep Beep"

Just a random muse on a Friday night, after watching Demon Seed with Julie Christie (man, that computer has a frightening voice), I was noodling around the music files on the PC and found Beep Beep by Ricardo Autobahn, from the album Interrobang.

What a very good track. Two years ago, I heard this when I was a) extremely drunk; and b) incredibly, almost terminally depressed due to a lot of aggro at work, and its retro cheerfulness really helped me put the crappiness of the day - which in fact led to me leaving the job and taking my present (non crappy) one – to one side, if only for a few hours. As heard on The Zone (but where else?) Bought the album off iTunes, this track was the absolute banger!

It sounds like what what you’d get if you artificially inseminated a Spectrum computer with the sperm of a first gen Akai sampler.

I challenge any electonica fan not to grin mindlessley when playing it - which you may by clicking:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb2buOocwaQ

Monday, July 13, 2009

Weekend doing nothing

This weekend I mainly sat on my arse, reading and watching DVDs with the Dear One. We also went to the pub for Sunday lunch. All in all a weekend to savour (I am not being ironic, really). No, really, why can’t more weekends involve the grand sum doing nearly bugger all?

So, the only thing I missed was The Freak Zone. Chest la, I’m sure it’ll be on iPlayer this evening. There certainly won’t be any telly on, so at least I'll have an evening free - no a whole week really - to catch on musical weirdness.

But yesterday I saw it: a 42 inch Panasonic TV: £699 from Tezzers. A lovely trinket to treasure before I die. It has a great picture too, audio description facility built in (an essential for Mrs D) and even I can see it with my errant eyeballs.

(By the way, this isn't the telly concerned, in case you were wondering)

BBC1, 2, 3, four, and you can forget most of commercial channels, apart from CH 4 news, which is the only news worth watching other than Paxo on form. ALL FREAKIN’ RUBBISH.

So, my Panasonic dream telly will be surely like the world’s most elegant picture frame.

With a turd inside it.

Not a picture of a turd, which might be at least artistically interesting, but a real live turd, once that’s warm its fresh extraction form one’s botty, one that stinks of garlic and eight hour digested cider. This is the state of telly today. Quite literally, shit. Even the good shit is reconstituted shit. Shit is shit. Telly is shit.

Time to buy some more books or get out more. Oh no, I just wrote how much I enjoyed not going out. What a bloody hypocrite.

Monday, June 22, 2009

1938 tube train





A few of us travelled down to Russell Square for a trip on a 1938 tube train to Ealing Broadway. This train has been lovingly preserved by the London Transport Museum’s Acton depot branch and looks, as far as I can remember, just as it did when trains of this type left the Bakerloo line around 1984. Not a bad innings for a hard worked tube. A few technicalities aren’t quite the same – the notching relays seem to come from a 1958 type tube, and the very tuneful original compressors have been replaced by Westinghouse units, straight from a Met Line train, but that’s stuff only a nerd would notice (yes, I’m one of ‘em).

We were impressed by the quality of the seats which were deep and accommodating. Those thirties chaps certainly knew a lot more about lumbar support than us – why are all seats in modern public transport so hard?

It was great to go back in time to a type of tube stock I just about remember. I would ideally love to ride an R stock train, as used on the District until about 1984, but I don’t think it’s possible as I’ve only seen them in 2 car formation at the same museum. They featured the loudest MA whine of any Underground train – ever.

Some interior shots of the train are below and I’ll be posting a video or two on Youtube shortly.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

A new Grimm Bros fairytale

Ever heard of that well-known Brothers Grimm story, “Goldilocks and the Two Bears”.

Three bears, surely?

Well, if you’re parliament, then the two bears version is all we’re getting, because we’re not worth it.

The two bears story could, by a creative parent, me made to work for a slightly gullible and young child at bedtime. But we know the story has changed beyond recognition. Without the porridge being “just right” as it was with the third bear, the story flops and in fact becomes a non-story. Who cares?

I wouldn’t trust this lot to sell me a dog. I’d get a cat, and they would tell me I was privileged to receive a new breed of feline-hound.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Weasel words and phrases: "Lessons have been learned"

When politicians, those in public office and others in the business world, when referring to avoidable cock-up or more likely, spin malfunction say “lessons have been learned” I wonder what they mean?

Translated, if we take “lessons” to their natural environment, a school context, do they mean: “oops, we screwed up on the fire evacuation, so lessons have been learned and we won’t leave bin containers in front of the fire exits any more because if this had been real, there would have been child deaths on our conscience and more importantly, a raise on our insurance premiums”.

Or do they mean “lessons have been learned by this year’s intake of students?” In which case, the lessons will be unknown by next year’s intake of students.

You’d wonder how many “lessons” in the political/business sense actually stay learnt.

How I hate that phrase. Really, really hate it.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

If at first you don't succeed

I couldn't sleep a few nights ago, so started comiong up with these "isms".

If I come up with any more, I'll probably not post them:

If at first you don't succeed...

...you didn't succeed.

...leave the band and start playing free jazz.

...give up on the IVF and know that 57 is too old to get pregnant.

...resign from the job as MP. Your constituents won't forgive you.

...you should have read the notice CAREFULLY before trying to bring drugs inito Singapore

...you will probably fail again next time. Some peeps are just born to lose.

...consider renaming yourself Giles and tell 'em you went to Eton.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Susan Boyle: I was right

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I'm in love...with a careless whisper

I've just had a Google for it, and no-one seems to have spotted it yet, but Alexander Rybek's Eurovision winner is George Michael's Careless Whisper dresed up.

Chord for chord it is almost identical. It is even in the same key.

I wonder if George has noticed he's been ripped off? Maybe he's shagging the Norweigian and its an "in joke" of sorts.

I don't suppose we'll ever know.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Boyle-d in the bag


So Susan Boyle does her thing on Britain’s Got Talent and wows the cynical judges. And the huge audience on Youtube. Even I watched her with my work colleagues yesterday.

Great. Good luck to her. She has a real talent – at last – and isn’t just a moronic, oh-so-knowing pretty face famous for being famous. In fact, she is the polar opposite.

Her problem is that she is a member of the peasantry. Same as me, same as most people.

She hasn’t gone from some “masters of the universe to be” public school background, being groomed for stardom from leaving the nappy. She is in fact unemployed.

She has (allegedly) some form of learning difficulty.

She is, in some people’s opinion, not the prettiest in the world. As Shawaddywaddy might have said “nature didn’t give her such a beautiful face”. Of course, beauty is the in the eye of the beer-holder, but it’s an opinion that’s been stated in such an obviously brow-beating sort of way that dissenters (lovers of the fat girl or the boy with the baldy head) need not collect £200 or pass Go. YOUR OPINIONS DON’T COUNT. We’re the media. We know best.

She’s a Christian. (Ooh, maybe that’s a cunning front for her ack-tu-ally being an Islamist terrorist scumbag).

She volunteers. (Yeuuucccchhh).

She has a positive attitude. (Wot – not a cynic like US???)

All the better ammo for the shithawk, rat-laden press to knock her down.

There isn’t much hope in Sleb-land for the, ungroomed, ordinary, nice person, who slips through the processing plant, such as her good self.

I truly, honestly, wish her the best of luck.

I just think she’s being set up to be cooked and eaten for breakfast by a petty, squabbling rat-pack with nothing better to do. Remember Michelle McManus, anyone? Oh yes, the fat girl who was knocked down and knocked out after the X-Factor win.

It is simply the question of “how long will it take”?

I’ve already taken a £10 bet that within three months, she’ll be a child-abusing, 30-years-ago abortion having, wicked, stupid, inadequate zero. And she’ll also be described as whatever the media slimeballs refer to these days as the politically correct version of “peasant”. Cos she is one. God bless her.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Reunion


South Africans really love their shopping malls. Menlyn Park, near our hosts’ house, was around the same size as Lakeside Thurrock to give at least South East Englanders a sense of perspective. Every large city seems to have three or four of them. There doesn’t seem to High Street culture as with the UK. Sad, but not so bad when the rain is tipping down as it did for a few days before we left for home.

Our arrival in Johannesburg was a bit momentous as neither ourselves or our taxi driver could receive mobile phone coverage and hence we could not let one another know where we were (platform 16, a rather obscure, out of the way place as it turned out). What might have been a disaster turned out to be a minor glitch. Just as we were considering making our own way to Pretoria, our driver found us and transported us through the congested northern suburbs for over 1.5 hours. The traffic is easily as dense as London’s.

I won’t name them here. All I want to say is that it was pure delight to meet our friends and their young children (who had been babies last time we were there). Most of the next few days was spent with them catching up on old times round the bra’ai, talking into the night with plenty of Windhoek beers, good South African wine and Johnnie Walkers (which I’ve grown a taste for thanks to our hosts).

We visited the local shopping mall, I bought some specs – much cheaper there and of equal or better quality than the ones I currently own and wandering round the Pick ‘n’ pay. Pretoria is not a hotspot on any tourist trail of South Africa, but that wasn’t the reason we came. Mrs D found a fellow wordsmith with our lady host and plenty of female bonding took place.

And their kids were charming, intelligent littl’uns. I had been quite nervous in case we didn’t get on with each other, but that wasn’t an issue as they at best ignored or and at best asked us to read to them and in turn tell us some of their stories. I feel a career in writing may be in order.

I feel a little bland not mentioning their names, but for sake of their privacy I won’t.

To our hosts though – THANKS. Your boundless hospitality was and still is most appreciated by me and Mrs Dukc. I hope we’ll be able to reciprocate in the not too distant future – though sadly I can’t see how we’ll squash into our postage stamp sized house, unless it becomes suddenly blue, makes strange growling noises and sprouts the word “POLICE” above its door.

Tomorrow, I’ll write about a momentous, perhaps life changing event, which won’t name anyone.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Shosholoza Meyl Train


Pardon me boy, is this the Shosholoza Meyl train?

Now we come to one of the highlights of our South African soiree – the Shosholoza Meyl train. Not quite up there with the Trans-Siberian, this is the longest train journey I’ve made. At 27 hours from end to end, and at £30 for the joy of being on the train this long, not only is it the budget alternative to flying, this has to be one of the biggest rail bargains anywhere in the world. Apparently, a sitter costs £7.50 one way, but I really don’t know how anyone could possibly do this and remain comfortable.

At 1230 sharp, our train left the far end of Cape Town station, trundling its way through the suburbs and into the country. Our first stop, Belleville, was unremarkable, and a few hours later, after travelling through some mountainous countryside, we travelled for mile after mile towards Worcester and onwards. Our beds were made up at 6, we ate at around 2030 and had a very relaxed time reading and talking crap until about 2330 when Mrs D hit the sack, and I carried on reading and admiring the starlit view – we rarely see stars in England due to light pollution.

It was a fairly large area in which to sleep – the arrangement is light that of the old slam door compartment trains which ran south of the Thames until recently. You have about three quarters of the entire width the carriage to sleep on, and have a fold down bunk above you. Fortunately, these are only really used when the trains are full, which since we were out of season, they were not. Between the seats is a fold up table, beneath which is a small sink (ours only gave out the meanest of dribbles). There are two toilets per carriage, so you essentially share one with about 8-10 others. The showers and toilets seemed to be given a thorough clean every few hours. British train companies could learn a lot from this. Food from the dining car was no more expensive than outside the train (a burger and chips was about £2.50) and was pretty basic though perfectly fine. It helped that we’d bought lots of bottled water with us and you do tend to get quite thirsty on these trains, even though ours did not feature air conditioning (the premier class train which does the same route is about seven times more expensive, so dream on).

I can’t think of anything negative about this trip, apart from being told that were running on time, when in fact we were an hour later than scheduled. Not a major concern, but we had contacted our taxi, meant to be picking us up at the station, and who had travelled from Pretoria. He became increasingly irate with us for keeping him waiting as he was on a meter and had already picked up a shared fare returning to Pretoria.

It was an interesting journey for its countryside, for the gentle tck-tck, tck-tck of the rails and because there isn’t a better way to travel apart from maybe a cruise ship if time is not a concern (we made time for this one and was definitely worth every hour “lost” to not having flown).

The company slogan is “A Pleasant Experience” and despite my reservations the strapline was spot on. It was and I’d recommend it to anyone who can make the time to do it.


Inside a sleeping compartment

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Robben Island


Robben Island "welkoms" you.

On the Monday, we travelled over to Robben Island, holding place for many apartheid-era political prisoners, including of course, the main man, Nelson Mandela. We had to hang around a while after buying tickets, since there was a bit of a backlog for the ferry, but after a meal of very large burgers, the boat took us across the five or six miles of water to the island.

Our tour guide was an ex-political prisoner and really knew his onions, offering us a humorous (yes, really) tour of the island, with plenty of information and anecdotes about what it was like to live there involuntarily. We started the tour by bus, followed by a walk around the cells where prisoners were incarcerated. We then travelled to the individual cells, including cell number 7 where Nelson Mandela lived. Because of our lack of sight, the tour guide allowed us into the cell – a rare privilege apparently. My thoughts on the island (though not the prison, which was suitably grim) was how beautiful the island is, with its views across to the Cape. With its white limestone and eucalyptus trees, it was rather like a desert island. But would like to live in the harsh conditions of the prison cell and hard labour? Nope. I think had we arrived during a storm, I may have left with a different opinion. I’ve been to Kilmainham Jail in Dublin, and that place was a true representation of grimness. Apart from the physical humiliation of having to move loads of lime from one place to another…then back…then back again (there was no real work for the politicos to actually do) I think I could almost enjoy the environment here, though not the incarceration.

An evening of wandering around the Waterfront again, followed by our final eats at the Kraal restaurant bought our stay in Cape Town to and end. Tomorrow would be the mammoth trip to Pretoria on the Shosholoza Meyl train.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Tour of the Cape


The pleasant coastal town of Fish Hoek

Success at last with the rail tickets to Jo’burg! An early morning trip, surprisingly stress free bought us to the ticket office and our tickets. Hooray. This made the tour ahead that much more relaxed as, had we missed our tickets, we may have had to fly – or so we thought – incorrectly as it turns out.

We did the Cape Wine tour and southern Cape. What a beautiful country South Africa is, with landscapes which seem to change every few minutes, from wild costs to pleasant suburbs, all within a few minutes drive of each other. Our tour bus even met a baboon sitting, its red arse aloft, in the road.

We went through a country park, drove on to a rather nice seafood restaurant on the beachfront just outside Simons Town, and then on Stellensbosch and the winery. I thought the winery was a gorgeous building – there was a full scale wedding going on as we did our cheese and wine taste, and the guests had mainly come from England. Stellensbosch itself is the oldest town in SA, and looks a bit like a slightly more relaxed version of the back roads of Ealing. A great place to live as a Cape Town commuter I’m sure, providing you can afford it.

As we trundled our way from the southern cape coast on to the winery, our knowledgeable guide pointed out that we were passing the Cape Flats Township. “This”, she said “is where about 1.5 million people live”. I asked her to repeat it. I hadn’t mis-heard. About one third to one half (depending on who you believe) all Cape Town’s residents live here. And the place was, in appearance, rather like Langa. Only on a much larger scale. All in all, a worthwhile tour, simply the reason that it took outside the tourist zone in and around Long Street.

That evening, we had a wander round the Waterfront shopping centre. It was pretty much any other large and prestigious shopping centre. I must admit to quite enjoying going to foreign shopping centres which I suppose makes me a suburban fart. Some pretty decent tourist tat shops though, most of which only window shopped at. Please note NHS, asthma inhalers are only £1.40 here – and no prescription. I only wish buying straightforward meds was as easy here. I bought six of the buggers.

We dined in an Italian restaurant by the water’s edge – it was unremarkable, though it did serve gnocchi, something which seems, unfairly, to have gone out of fashion at UK Italian eateries.

This rather nice shot (not mine sadly) is of the

Waterfront shopping area.

We had another gander round the Waterfront, but at this point we were fairly tired, and at 11 returned to the Grand Daddy. A pretty successful day’s touring.

Robben Island tomorrow.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

South Africa holiday: Township tour of Cape Town

An early start on Monday took us to the township of Langa (supposedly meaning “sunshine” in Xhosa). Our driver, a dweller of said township, took us on an experience I’ll not forget. Firstly, we travelled to church. This was full to capacity (with about 600 in the congregation as a conservative estimate). Some of our party were fairly moved by the service, though I had mixed feelings and was fairly untouched – it seemed like the kind of service I grew up with, although services at Holy Trinity in South Kensington were all in English. I found the sudden swap-over from English to Xhosa and back again for no apparent reason detracted from the message, which was kind of garbled and too much like hard sell for my taste. Oh well, horses for courses. The church was absolutely windswept as was the township itself, with 40 mile an hour westerlies blasting through.

Driving around the first part of the township, I was surprised at how orderly it was, with some concrete houses laid out in rows.

Next, we travelled to a shabeen, an informal pub. Informal just means that there is no licence, and therefore the government restricts its serving hours until the late afternoon.

Served here was some of the most disgusting beer I’ve tasted. Made of sorghum, this stuff is made en masse – fermentation time is a worryingly short three days - and served straight from the keg or barrel or whatever it is. The taste is weak yet sour, and quite unique, with a thick layer of foam on the top. The shabeen itself was buzzing with flies. One of the reasons these pubs are more heavily regulated is that there are no loos at all, prompting the question, where on earth do you go for leak? This lack of a satisfactory answer may account for some of the insect activity I suppose. I think this is the kind of place hardcore drinkers gravitate to. A very interesting experience indeed.

When the idea that people should be entitled to have any kind of fun outweighs the perceived need to raise taxes from alcohol sales, our pointless government, having successfully closed the last proper non corpo-pub, will force ordinary people to drink in places like this, as government approved beer will be over a tenner per pint as necking more than one of them will of course, encourage rampant terrorism and anyway, consuming more than one tenth of a unit will also be regarded by them and their media sheep as binge drinking. Bring on the sorghum.

On to the hostel: an especially grim place in the township which has got to be the most hemmed in place containing humankind beyond a prison I’ve been to. Some pretty nice people spoke to us there. I felt justifiably privileged living in my small house on the east side of London compared to these people. Hell, I am indeed.

Next was the healer (dubbed by me the witch doctor). Not sure if witchery goes on here, but the NHS its not. Practical healing involves animal parts so we’re not talking homeopathic remedies, despite the presence of lots of herbs.

Finally, a drive taking us past an unincorporated part of the township that comprised the kind of shack with neither electricity nor running water I’d thought would occupy the whole township. This was as desolate a place as can be. The next day we heard that around 400 of these shacks were burnt down that evening. It didn’t even make the national news as this kind of thing happens so often. Thank goodness no-one was killed or seriously injured. Unbelievable.

In the afternoon we sat in our hotel bar and drunk South African champagne. We then ate a rather lovely meal in an African restaurant. I don’t really buy into the brow-bearing “guilty am I” response to the townships. I was far too young to have been able to influence things during apartheid, and there is bugger all I can do about what has been left behind. But the sheer fucking irony of pouring wine down my throat, and having the cash to do so without thinking about it too much was not lost on me. Consider this: The average domestic help in Cape Town earns R80-90 per day. A bottle of mineral water in our restaurant was R15.00 (about £1.00 at the time of writing).

I have nothing but sheer admiration for those living in the townships (half of Cape Town’s population). They have remained patient far longer than any decent human being could expect.

Langa Township’s unincorporated area.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Top of the Table - and another lower one


The cable car spins round on its way up to the top of Table Mountain. The view from the top is quite stunning

After another fruitless trip to buy our tickets for the train to Johannesburg, we decided to head off to the Waterfront and take a tour bus around the city. The highlight of the day was definitely heading on the cable car to the top of Table Mountain.

What a stunning place, 1 kilometer above the city spread before us below. For anyone visiting CT, this is a must-do and I can not recommend it enough. It was relief to be away from the heat of town trolling round town on the open topper actually, and even more of a relief as the temps dropped by at least 10 degrees on top of the mountain.

A leisurely trip along the coast through some of the most expensive beach front housing on earth and one of the more exclusive resorts (so exclusive we skipped them) took us back to the Waterfront and back to our hotel for a well deserved food stop at the local Pick 'n' Pay - we were running low on soft drinks and choc and supermarkets apparently close on Sunday (this wasn't actually the case but we weren't to know).

After an hour or so reading in the hotel we headed to a restaurant called Mama Africa's, as recommended in our tourist guide, and if the amount of tourists crammed there is to go by,. Most of the other guides too.

I think I would have enjoyed this place more had we not been completely spoilt by Nona’s the night before. There was nothing wrong with at all. The cocktails, which were high quality and generous in size, were £2.00 a pop, so the relatively disappointment we experienced with the food was partly made by the liquid refreshment. But the service became ridiculously slow as the evening progressed (45 minutes between main course and dessert), the desert itself, a malva pudding, which in my case was super-bland and the music, which was deafening - and we were tabled about as far away from the band as could be. I'm not too snobby about being a tourist - I am one - but I felt this was far to "corporate tourist mill Africa" for my liking. I had a pretty nice Cape Malay curry which was both spicy and sweet and apparently, according to our friends in Pretoria I spoke to about it later, seemed quite like the real deal.

We had an early start on Sunday, so by 2230 we were back at the hotel and I read Christopher Fowler's marvelously easy to absorb autobiog, Paperboy, while Mrs DD slept like a wee child.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Andy Taylor - a sad farewell


Andy's singing persona, Jimmy Johnny, bellows down the mic at a friend's barbie. It is a contentious topic as to whether he could actually sing though. Hmm, naysayer me.

My friend Andy Taylor died last month and his funeral took place last week, on Thursday, in Eltham.

He was a big man indeed in the disabled community. His company, Access Made Easy, has a record which I doubt any other private sector employer can match - 60 percent of his employees were disabled: I am one of them, albeit on an ad hoc basis.

I met him at the age of 18, 20 years ago now, while still at university, on the premise of meeting his then-girlfriend, Laura, whom I knew from school. Although Laura and I remained friends until a few years back, knowing Andy was like having a wiser, more knowing and definitely more motivated elder brother. For the next 20 years or so, we played music together, drank beer together, talked rubbish together and even tried to save the world in the way ten beers allows you think you are able to.

We recognised instantly our similar class and family backgrounds, we have a few sisters each and both of us had a broad taste in music - I spent many an evening over his various flats in Deptford going through his vast CD collection, eating food from the Good Friends and later The Orient, and sleeping on a succession of sofas in various states of rot. His kitchen ceiling once collapsed spontaneously while he was standing under it. I'm glad his accommodation improved soon after, though his temporary sleeping arrangement never improved much.

It would be wrong to make Andy out to be some kind of latter day saint because he was a welded-to-the-earth human, nothing more. But he was, for sure, a man of action (and a rather able wordmonger too as it happens). He could definitely talk. While wearing a super strong pair of walking shoes too, prepared to travel the extra mile. Lending a hand if that should be required. No slouch, he really did put his money - hard cash too - and his effort, as well as his mouth, into just about everything he was passionate about.

I know that his partner, Amy, his parents, sisters and his numerous friends and work colleagues all feel his loss within our lives.

So I will, with the greatest of pleasure, salute Andy. A well loved and now very much missed colleague, thoughtful friend, great sounding board, shrewd businessman, man of action.

And mostly for me, fantastic mate.

It was a great journey Andy. Just far too short.

Arrival in Cape Town


The exterior of Nyoni's Kraal restaurant, which kept us fed for three nights. This place gets a highly recommended rating and if you go, ask for Deborah the waitress - she's a star and a half.


The South Africa trip started at Heathrow Terminal Five, which I must say was actually a gorgeous looking and importantly, easy to use building and nothing like the squalor I’ve experienced at the other older terminals. The flight was relatively comfortable for an over nighter and we landed in the baking sun of Cape Town at about 9 the next morning.

Our taxi landed us at the Grand Daddy hotel in Long Street. The Daddy Long Legs seems to be a chain comprising a boutique hotel, an “art hotel” and a trailer park filled with genuine 50s Airstreams.

So, after a breakfast of French toast with banana, maple syrup and bacon, and a few hours sleep in our very comfortable room, we were ready to hit the mean streets of Cape Town. Not a very intense day as we tend to spend the first day of any holiday abroad just finding our feet. Today we tried to pick up our rail tickets for the Shosholoza Meyl train, but the ticket office was closed (in rush hour, just when it might be used by people – nice to know the service ethic is as strong here as it is in the UK (sarcastic remark). We wandered around Long Street, and spent our evening at a restaurant I can highly recommend called the Nyoni’s Kraal.

http://www.capetownmagazine.com/todonight/Western-Cape/Local-is-Lekker-at-Nyonis-Kraal-Restaurant-in-Cape-Town~115

Our waitress, Deborah, was a complete mummy, explaining everything we were curious about in a most enthusiastic way. She actually made the place work for us in the big way and we returned twice more. Sure, this might be regarded as unadventurous but when you get African food this good, why spoil your stay by going somewhere else only to be disappointed.

So after our meals of Meat Towers and Pap (pap being mealy maize shaped and fried), and stew with samp (samp being a mixture of mealy maize and beans) we returned to our hotel, tired but stuffed.

A fine start to a wonderful holiday.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The last month - one holiday and a funeral


The swanky yet homely Grand Daddy hotel, Long Street, Cape Town, where my and Mrs Dukc stayed for half our South African adventure

Myself and the wifelet have returned from a rather brilliant holiday in South Africa which took place in what started out to be a rather tumultuous month. I’ll make a separate entry for that event, hopefully later this week, though my bloody diary never fails to fill up - not that I’m hugely complaining, you understand.

This is a summary of events – with more retrospective blogging to come over the next few days Unlike Mrs D, who elected to bring her netbook with her, mine remained in the place where it should while I’m on holiday. Firmly at home.

So...for the first of our two weeks we stayed at the rather splendid Grand Daddy hotel in the centre of Cape Town, a place I’d be more than happy to recommend. We then travelled to our friends in Pretoria via Jo’burg on the Shosholoza Meyl train, whose slogan is “a pleasant experience” and for once, the phrase was not hyperbole, but pretty close to how I’d have described it.

While in Pretoria, we stayed in the rather nice suburb or Constantia Heights with our friends in their rather lovely and jealous-making house. On the Saturday and Sunday we visited a lion breeding centre where we handled lion cubs, and during the following days, we spent long evenings over the bra’ai with plenty of great South African wine and loadsa bottles of Namibian Windhoek beer. Lovely. We also did more prosaic stuff purchasing specs for me (which are of at least equal quality to those I buy in the UK and a third cheaper). We also visited quite a few Pick ‘n’ Pay supermarkets for typical SA food. I think food needs an entry on its own too.

Over the next fortnight I’ll be posting more deails and some pictures too.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I predict a riot

I know its easy to say it, but I have a date in mind that the riot(s) in this country will kick off, and have been saying it now for the last two weeks at work. We've even opened a book - the prize, a case of beer. That date is 17 July. Watch and see if I'm right.

I have no evidence and no prior knowledge of anything, and I'm certainly no Mystic Meg (not that she's ever been wildly accurate, other than the the frequency of her paycheck).

No, my prediction is based on nothing but a wild stab in the dark. But I think a combination of the continuance of government ineptitude, further nest-feathering of greedy, psychopathic bankers and a really sunny, hot day...well, the combination of goodies is there.

I'll see you at Trafalgar Square or nearby on the day then.

I'm seething and can't see my fury lessening. I doubt I'm alone.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Madder than mad people who are certified as mad

Geert Willders, a guy who wishes to point out the possible correlation between the Quran and terrorism is refused entry to this country. Given the evidence, I can’t see how anyone can deny the link. This film being freely available on Youtube. I have watched it and fail to see the controversy.

1) Terrorism happened.
2) Muslims did it.
3) The particular muslims who did it claim it was a good thing and should happen again.

PDQ.

A week later, Abu Qatada, a guy who has proposed multiple fatwahs against non-believers (that’s anyone who isn’t a hard core fundamentalist brainwashed Muslim –and even the majority of gente minded Muslims are most likely included here) who has been described as “bin Laden’s right-hand man in Europe” is awarded £2.500 of my hard-worked for money by the European Court of Human Rights. I can’t even blame my country’s wretched excuse for a government for this justice abortion.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/feb/19/abu-qatada-compensation-european-court

When such madness is over, would a reader this blog please wake me up. I’m taking some heavy duty drugs which I hope will aid the hibernation process.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Zanu-Labour reach new low

Our glorious government has reached a new low. Yes, my Victor Meldrew-esque habit of exclaiming "I don't belieeeeeve it" has been stretched to lengths I didn't think possible.

Now you can't take photographs of coppers or millitary personnel in the streets of its somewhat-less-than-free city.

Even the police union has claimed this legislation which came in without any mandate or consultation, today, say its ridiculous.

Here's the story.

Zanu-Labour. Bringing the laws of downtown Harare to London. Political prisoner being beaten up? I give it two years.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Psychopoaths say sorry

I'm sure I'm not the first to have compared the highly overpaid leaches in the top end of banking as "psychopaths" but actually, their so called apology displays all the characteristics of classic psychopathy.

"We're profoundly sorry" they cried unanimously yesterday. Ah, good, those’s what the public want, so let’s appear to do the right thing, goes the mindset.

But later on, they claimed that they were either "not responsible" for causing the crisis, or only "partly" responsible. They were quite happy to blame ministers, the regulator, even the general public for buying into the get rich quick, easy credit, pay back whenever culture. Excuse me, but the sheer amount of junk mail I received offering ridiculously easy credit terms during the "good times" mean I'm now on the mail preference service - I was receiving one or two pieces of mail per day. I don't, and didn’t need the credit - I'm an old fashioned kind of "if you don't have it, don't spend it" guy. A pretty fortunate position I know, but even if I wasn't just doing the maths would have indicated to me that it looked too good to be true, and therefore probably was. Or is, as it turned out.

My wife gave me a very important lesson soon after we were first married, after one of our first quarrels. I was trying to placate her by saying that whatever it was I'd done to cause her offence, I was sorry. Her lesson was: "If you don't know why you are saying sorry, then don't say you are, because it is meaningless".

Makes good sense to me.

These bankers aren't sorry - not in a way which expresses real empathy. They are just looking to do with right thing, but with no personal stake involved, their apologies are meaningless, drivel. It may have been better for them to have just kept schtumm.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Corporate humour

I'm glad there are some companies left who understand that mission statements, targets, mention of the weasel-phrases "passionionate" and "committed to blah blah blah" are regarded by some of us as wank-words.

I much prefer the humourous approach, although your friendly neighbourhood lawyer might be scratching his or her head over this on-the-box statement.

This company's website is also a giggle:

www.x-keys.com

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Blame it on Peston - they do

I've just heard some bankers on Newsnight more or less claim that Robert Peston, the esteemed financial journalist, is "partly responsible" for the demise of Northern Rock. I didn't catch their names as I was having a shave at the time with the bedroom telly behind me. Life rocks on as usual in Dukcingham Palace.

I caught most of what they were saying though. Once I picked my jaw from the floor and glued it back on, I had to remind myself that these guys are:

1. psychopathic: a non-psychopathic banker can't do their job. the same as a intellectual, bolshy solider can't do his.

2. Unfortunately, sharing the same oxygen as me.

I suppose Peston could have told us all how wonderful things were cooking in that august institution's kitchen, and all would have been well. In fact, fine gateaux would have been served throughout the land.

Poor Robert. He does get excITE-ed to be sure, but I don't believe there'd be many, apart from a few rogue loopers who would claim he's actually inaccurate, or at least knowingly inaccurate.

ANY-way, his excitedness about all things financial make him SUCH an entertainer.

5 February: I found the story on the Reuters website:

http://www.reuters.com/article/GCA-CreditCrisis/idUSTRE5135MO20090204

Monday, February 02, 2009

A quick review of Zizzi, Hornchurch

This branch of the Italian restaurant chain (part of the ASK Group) is located on Station Lane, just south of the town centre. It is situated on what looks like an old pub. My work group went there for our Christmas do, and it was quite crowded. Although I had a few complaints, mainly on the speed of service, I thought we'd try it again, especially as Mrs D had printed off a voucher entitling customers to a free second main course. Fortunately, it was not overly full this time.

The service started well, as did the food. Mrs D had a large garlic bread (large it was, and tasty too with mozzarella and caramelised onion splurged all over it), and I had a vegetable bruschetta, which was everything I hoped it would be. My seafood pasta was just about spot on too, though it could have been a bit bigger, and would have gained the place an extra point if it had been. Wifey had a chicken risotto, which she gave a good mark for.

We waited a while for dessert though. Having said that, when it arrived, my banana and chocolate waffle was perfect, as was Mrs D's apple crumble. Both of these dishes were baked in the wood fired oven, and the menu at least warns you of this.

However, the wait for the bill, having been twenty minutes, was too long. The only way to make the point was to get up and put our coats on. Why do restaurants insist on doing this? Not the first time its happened by any means, and annoying. Waiters can lose a good tip from my by drawing out the bill.

Overall, I'd give Zizzi's 6/10. The food is well cooked, though it does overdo the options involving tomatoes, though I admit to being a despiser of this particular Satanic fruit. Don't mind 'em squashed into a pizza paste or processed by H J Heinz & Co, but on their own...vile.

The service was somewhat slow and haphazard, ranging from top notch to slow and disorganised over the course of one evening. This does mirror our experience over Christmas too, so something to work on, guys. Oh, and the mens' toilets were not working. I won't mark them down on this, as it may have packed up earlier that day - but it is a bit rich of a restaurant featuring a large wine list not to warn newly arrived customers about this. I was about ready to wazz up the wall on the way home - fortunately, home being fairly close.

A pleasant, and not too risky local night out. Not too many thrills, but nothing done especially poorly either.

Snow and London buses


Here's a picture of my street taken at 0730 this morning.

I was on my way to Grays (about 15 miles south east of here) to meet a client. It is ironic that NOT ONE BUS was running in London this morning. Not bloody one of 7,500 buses. And yet in Grays, the buses appeared to be running in quantity. Sounds like a nice day off for London bus drivers anyway.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Snow showers


Not much snow in London, ever, so although this is pathetic by the standards of Winnipeg or Stockholm, this is the first snow of the year. Flurries started at about 1630 this afternoon. and the snow, though puffy and fluffy, is finally settling. I think tomorrow is going to mean transport grinding to a halt. That should be fun.

Snow, does prettify places, even Dagenham.