Mobile phone jihad

Here’s an example of how to sell an idea. Honestly, it really works.

1) First, take a pop at the opposition who has made a careless, and that’s being kind, speech. We’ll use X-Mobile versus 03 as an instance. X-Mobile has just “dissed” 03, saying that 03’s is a heartless company who exploit children and their phones kill people by irradiating their heads.

2) 03 refute this. They say that X-Mobile have caused them grief, hurt, have been slanderous &c &c.

3) There is no independent evidence to prove that what X-Mobile says is true. But on the other hand, there is no evidence to prove that X-Mobiile don’t share similar shady business ethics since all the company records are stored in locked cupboards guarded by Steve Irwin-slaying stingrays and black African boomslangs. Amusingly, the stringray with the longest tail and the sharpest sting is called “Allah”. But hey, it’s a free country isn’t it? And you can say what you like unless what you say is obviously slanderous. Of course, 03 say that it is, but don’t do anything about it, such as take X-Mobile to court or launch a counter-attack of any meaning, pith or logic. They just publicly whinge loudly about how hard-done they’ve been by X-Mobile.

4) Instead, just to prove how kid-loving their company is and how well they treat children, 03 then launch a campaign of killing kiddies who use X-Mobile handsets and setting black African boomslangs on their parents. Just for fun, they also have the odd pop at an innocent bystander or two. Voddy-fone and Banana’s customers occasionally find themselves being executed on the street while telling their ‘birds’ they’ll be 10 minutes late or travelling through Liverpool Street, Edgware Road or being unfortunate enough to be on the no. 30 bus. 3 ½ ‘s customers don’t stand a chance as they are allied to the ‘evil empire’ of X-Mobile by dint of sharing the same network when roaming in the Ukraine. They just get shot at.

If you think this is stupid, then this is what I think of the recent outburst by the Pope and the reaction to it by Islamists who claim to be peaceful individuals whilst happily shooting nuns.

Like I said, this really works and I intend to fly over to my nearest X-Mobile mosque on the way home from work to sign a 24-month, aherm, no, year, contract.

Iraq was and is crap and wrong, and fuelled on rather transparent lies. Even Americans know that now. Bush and Blair are really not popular guys at the moment. The Pope was probably not so well advised when he said what he said. But the reaction to it does NOT justifying killing anyone. If being a “peaceful” Muslim means killing everyone who isn’t, then I’m a peace-lovin' Hindu, baby.

Maybe I’m just a frigging infidel. Or maybe whenever I hear about Muslims kicking off once more I think about how I nearly lost my wife who was on the train behind the one that got blown on during 7/7. A train which came in from East London and therefore had a high probably of being packed with, guess who? Fellow “peaceful” Muslims. If the 9/11 and 7/7 murderers don’t have the care to give a shite about their brothers in arms, then really, they were a lost cause anyway. At least the IRA, until Omagh, had the decency to discriminate as to who was the enemy.

Having near-death of spouse rammed in your face – well, it kind of affects one, you know. I really don't want to dislike the whole damn tribe of Islam - its the ole racist cop-out I know, but my best childhood friend, for nearly 15 yeasrs was a Muslim, and like American, I don't have much of an axe to grind with those who I've met in the course of my life. But some of the loudest, bitter ones; the kind with the "I'm more victim than you'll ever be" mentality REALLY PISS ME OFF.