Lies, damned lies, and the District Line

You can tell winter in coming. The leaves are beginning to fall, the nights are drawing in (hello and welcome once more, S. A. D) and here’s how I can really tell kidding myself it’s late summer is no damn good any more: the District Line has adopted its unofficial winter timetable.

The District Line, the green line on the tube map, is a long, tortuous route that takes you east-west right through the middle of London. Slowly. The trains, known as D stock, are the most reliable on the Underground according to District Dave’s very informative website. http://www.trainweb.org/districtdave/ .

However, when I left for work this morning, BBC London was reporting minor delays. Minor Shminor. When TFL, the body which administers the tube network, say ‘minor delays’ its like the Russian politburo in the 50s saying that few people might be a little cold this winter and to make things better they’ve travelled east for warmth of Siberia. After arriving at the station, and hearing no announcements at all, not even the bleating, nannyish security messages which they insist of playing at Dagenham East every 20 seconds or so, a packed-to-the-rafters train pulls up after 20 minutes. This says RICHMOND on the front. This then terminates at Barking. Sorry, but geographically, we’re still 25 miles east of Richmond. There’s a Richmond Road in Barking, but that’s just plain cheating, chaps.

Anyway, we are tipped out at Barking, and like cattle, some of us jump on to the C2C train that’s sitting opposite. Just to get moving you see. This train is packed, but the next one is get-on-able. All this time, the RICHMOND District train is sitting on Barking platform 6 awaiting clearance. While waiting for C2C train no. 2 I overhear the walkie-talkie carried by a member of station crew. Overheard was ‘we have a full station here, any idea when the next train is coming?’ to which the reply is ‘we’ve got serious and sustained delays here, there is another train five minutes behind but I don’t know if its terminating at East Ham or going through’. The words to take in here ladies and gentlemen are ‘serious and sustained’

So on the C2C, I dial London Underground’s Customer Service Centre. This isn’t the normal 0207 222 1234 Travel ‘information’ line – actually I’m being a bit disingenuous putting ‘information’ in quotes because the guys there are pretty useful and generally accurate. However, the District Line control room is on 08453 309 874. This used to be advertised quite widely via posters on platforms, but alas, seems to have disappeared within recent years so I consider it a service to the public to post it here I made a note of it on my mobile two years ago and its good to vent your spleen sometimes. It may not achieve much, but only costs 15p or so and makes me feel better. Anyway, I asked the chap on if he would care to define ‘minor delay’ for me as it crossed purposes with mine, and also, the line controller’s at Barking. He said he’s speak to the line controllers on the eastern part of the line and change the message.

Our journey then moved on to Fenchurch Street and a walk to Aldgate. However, at Aldgate, the tannoy was still reporting minor delays on the District. So I dreamt all that then?

Which leads me to one conclusion. One I’ve suspected since moving eastwards in 2000 and being dependent on that green monster which purportedly serves our area. I used to believe that the mis- and quite often entire lack of information was due to incompetence on TFL’s part. Now I just think they lie to us.

Yes, following the rather fine service we’ve had all summer, its time for eastbound UPMINSTER trains to start terminating in at Barking unannounced. Even the drivers sound surprised when suddenly they are asked to take a packed train out of service early. You can hear the annoyance, even empathy with us sheep, in their voices. And although the timetable in our station claims to have been last revised in October 2003, us Zone Fivers way out east know better don’t we?


Mood: Growly
Books: Metro
Sounds: Anne Dudley, “Seriously Chilled”